The passage we read in this Wednesday’s Lectio Divina (prayerful or meditative scripture reading) that I attend was Luke 23:50-56:

Now there was a man named Joseph, from the Jewish town of Arimathea. He was a member of the council, a good and righteous man, who had not consented to their decision and action; and he was looking for the kingdom of God. This man went to Pilate and asked for the body of Jesus. Then he took it down and wrapped it in a linen shroud and laid him in a tomb cut in stone, where no one had ever yet been laid. It was the day of Preparation, and the Sabbath was beginning. The women who had come with him from Galilee followed and saw the tomb and how his body was laid. Then they returned and prepared spices and ointments.

On the Sabbath they rested according to the commandment.

In our group, each chooses a word or phrase that stands out. Mine was “and he was looking for the kingdom of God.” When it came time to share about what that word or phrase was speaking to us, I hesitated. I don’t know - I think I went first last week and also was first this week to blurt out my phrase and didn’t want to be “the guy” who always goes first and steam rolls over others so I thought I’d wait for a solid pause before I shared. Well the hour came and went and suddenly I had missed the window of opportunity. So this phrase has been nagging at me all week long and I am writing this to get it off of my chest.

“and he was looking for the kingdom of God.” For me this week, I really felt that the word “looking” was the word that stood out the most. Many of us are looking. Looking for the kingdom of God. At least this scripture calls it “the kingdom of God” but I think it has lots of different names both inside and outside of my own culture. As I read this and imagine Joseph of Arimathea, I sense a longing or yearning in my heart. A yearning I have felt many times in my life and a longing that maybe Joseph was feeling then. Here he is burying his dead Christ. I wonder if he is repeating something similar to the lyrics of Mary Magdalene in Jesus Christ Superstar, “This was unexpected…what do I do now…could we start again please?”

In some Christian circles, I think many are more comfortable with “I found it” (remember those 1970’s bumper stickers?) rather than “looking.” I mean isn’t that the whole point? That we find what we were seeking for in Jesus? I think yes and no. I think truth is multi dimensional and often asks us to look at it through alternative lenses that reveal entirely different conclusions but each are equally true. The “looking,” yeaning, and longing demands to be honored. I’m reminded of a quote from Shunryo Suzuki’s Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind: “In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few.” When we think we have “found it” we take this ever growing and expanding, dynamic reality and stuff it into a plastic encasement limiting its potential. I think the kingdom of God is more. It is abundance itself, an eternal more…more…more…into infinity.

We find the kingdom of God only to realize it was more than what we thought it was and only to know that there is even more to be had. I have this pull in my heart drawing me to more because I have faith that there is more. Why? I don’t know - it’s a mystery.

I heard this YouTube video last week of some conservative Christians basically saying that Lectio Divina is bad and the entire Contemplative Christian tradition is misled. One of the things they were saying is that this contemplative group has this yearning for “more.” Like that’s a bad thing and the speakers on this video were essentially saying that we should just suck it and take what the words on the pages of the bible have given us (as long as it is interpreted appropriately) and know that’s all good enough. We don’t need to pay attention to our feelings because who knows what evil that might lead us to? I feel like I could speak volumes here, but I just think this mindset sells itself short. There is more. There is always more. We are looking for the kingdom of God like we are chasing the edge of an ever expanding universe. God’s love is like a fractal pattern continually replicating itself as it weaves the tapestry of eternity.

Back to Joseph of Arimathea. Here he is holding this dead body that he once thought to be the fulfillment of his entire worldview. Personally I might just say “fuck this. I thought this Jesus guy was on to something. What a waste.” Joseph is sitting in this chasm between the crucifixion and the resurrection - between doubt and faith, between looking and finding. I have to think there were doubts spinning in his head big time, but here he is showing up to bury Jesus and I imagine it is his faith that brings him here. He is still looking and has faith that there is more to be found. We all find ourselves in that chasm if we are human. For me this passage asks us to give space to our looking, honor our doubts, and follow our faith.