Communion

Left the house a little after 6 this morning. Skies were fully overcast.

When I get to the beach, it looks like there is a bit of texture on the ocean surface.

I take a 7.5 mile run through the harbor. I find it amusing that two versions of Wish We’d All Been Ready appear on my Spotify playlist given the topic and title of yesterday’s swim post. I’m thinking about how I get all hung up on end times imagery. When I think about those kind of things, Jesus feels distant and sits in a place I don’t even want to reach. But I think of how beneath these images there is a river of spirit flowing that wants to carry us forward. This river is so very real to me. I feel it right here. It’s calling us to dive in and let ourselves be swept away in its current. We want to avoid the river and walk on its banks. Or we want to stop floating freely and struggle to steer ourselves against the current toward some place we think we need to get to.

I think of salvation and I think of accepting this river of Christ - not resisting, not seeking to control. I sway back and forth between succeeding in this intention and utterly failing. I wonder if salvation is not a threshold that we cross where once saved we are always saved but is rather partitioned by a curtain flowing in the wind and we are constantly falling into and out of this state of grace. The grace is always there and always extended toward us but we are not always receptive to it.

I finish up the run a little after 7:30. I change into my swim trunks and head down to the beach.

The surf seems significantly down from yesterday. Also there is a fair amount of churn on the water making what surf there is kind of jumbled up.

However, regardless of surf conditions, the water is most excellent for swimming. I’m warm having just run and the coolness of the water feels nice and refreshing. Also, its not so cool. Still extremely comfortable.

On the one hand it looks dreary out. Skies are still overcast and the water surface is ruffled from an onshore breeze, but looks are deceiving this morning.

It may just be my perception, but it seems like the water surface grows smoother as the swim progresses.

Like yesterday, there is still a lot of foam on the water on the South end.

I turn around and head North and am now swimming with the current. It feels like I get to the North end pretty quick.

There is still definitely surf in the water but it feels like the waves are fewer and farther in between and smaller.

I see a flock of I think geese fly overhead near the Ritz. I have my camera all ready and hope they fly my way. No luck.

I finish up my swim and it feels like the last 20 feet takes me forever. I’m now inside of the surf line and I’m just distracted. As waves come in I stop and see if I might be able to get a decent picture and just get sucked back out and down the beach. I have my camera out and a flock of pelicans come swooping down. But alas, with the surf I can’t steady myself to get a good shot. Finally this is just getting ridiculous and I’m nervous that walkers on the beach think I’m struggling (they probably don’t even see me) so I just brute force swim to shore.

I head up the stairs and shower off. I change into my regular clothes and head to church in Laguna Beach.

I’m pretty tired despite the latte I just gobbled down and am struggling to stay awake during the sermon on Psalms 51. The church is serving communion today. This is the first time I have taken communion in years.

I head to the front to grab my cracker and cup of grape juice. Then I’m sitting in my chair with these in my hand - the symbolic blood and body of Christ. I just can’t seem to get into the spirit of this. I focus on blood and body, sacrifice, atonement and get lost in a sea of symbols that feel far away.

I decide to refocus on my breath and settle my mind to the blood and body of Christ. I try to let go of any effort to “figure out” how these symbols connect to what I think they are supposed to connect with.

I begin to feel an invitation to jump into this chasm of Christ - a chasm of grace. In this chasm, grace is just grace and love is just love and it is all very very real.