Dawn

Early start today. My family and I are driving to get away for the weekend and I want to get back home early and finish preparaions for the trip. So I leave a little before 6. It is still dark as I drive out of my driveway. Oh...and it's 80 degrees outside!

When I get to the parking lot, there is a little more light shining but it is still well before sunrise.

Oddly for this time, there is a good SE breeze blowing thanks to tropical storm Kay.

While it is by no means high traffic, I'm surprised by the number of joggers I see on the stairs.

By the time I get to the beach, there is definitely enough light to swim. Even if it was dark, I might be inclined to swim today knowing that light is imminent.

The water feels about the same as it did yesterday (nice). With this tropical storm, it's supposed to get even warmer over the next few days and acording to last night's water temperature forecast, we could possibly see some record highs. Parts of San Diego county have been clocking in at 77 the last couple of days.

Once I'm about knee deep I feel something supple but solid brush against my ankles. I wonder if it was a sand shark - benign fish about 10 - 14 inches long that hang out super close to shore.

I start swimming and below the surface it seems dark. Above the water, there is a fair amount of rolling texture but it is smooth and silk-like.

As the light fills in, I see a red glow against the clouds to the east. Lots of scattered and stormy clouds in the sky this morning.

Slowly, it feels like the southern cliffs and headlands above are gaining color by the minute.

Once I get to the southern end, the cliffs are a beautiful shade of sandy brown outlined by the white foam of small waves breaking against them.

My head is full of so many thoughts this morning. Ever since Wednesday night I have been thinking alot about the difference in tone and texture between Christian evangelical and Christian cotemplative discourse. Second, I finished this docuseries, The Deep End, on this cultish/New Age woman, Teal Swan, on Hulu. For the past several weeks my TV consumption has been predominately religious cult in subject matter. Third, I am listening to this super interesting book, Pathological, about the prevelence of misdiagnoses in the mental health field today. Finally, as I was lying in bed in the wee hours of the morning, I was overhearing a YouTube video talking about spiritual warfare and eastern/New Age meditation. It's conclusion is that it’s evil.

I'm fascinated by belief. We have conservative Christianity (which is pretty mainstream here) saying meditation opens you up to demonic activity and following eastern thought is akin to following other gods - something that the old testament makes pretty clear is a bad thing. This group often sees demons around every corner and thinks that dramatic or catastrophic current events are a sign of the end of the age. The contemplative sees meditation as an opportunity to share intimacy with God and tend to not put alot of emphasis on Satan and end times. You have people from all walks self diagnosing themselves or being misdiagnosed because they know something is very much not right about themselves and the diagnosis gives them a path forward or a narrative that provides meaning to their misunderstood feelings. According to the docuseries I watched, this Teal Swan lady is sought out by individuls who are deeply troubled, and there have been reports of her convincing them they have experienced trauma which never happened.

We all have these different beliefs and those beliefs completely color how we move forward through this life - for good and for bad. They feed our fears and they inspire our hopes. In many cases we are either completely convinced that our beliefs are correct or we acknowledge our doubts as deep character flaws to be corrected. For the evangelicals and other conservatives, there is a driving compulsion to convince the world that their beliefs are the right beliefs. Only one of these belief sets can be the victor and there is no room for compromise.

All the while the fact is that most of us are trying our best to pursue what is true. The world is not populated with lazy and beligerent people who are bent on following lies. Our beliefs give order to the universe that is unfolding before us. These beliefs are accompanied by feelings of being connected with this universe. The beliefs define our role and the feelings supply motivation and momentum to fufill this role.

Back before the internet and the availability of mass travel, it was easy to sit within the insulation of our local belief system and vilify outsiders. But now we are surrounded by conflicting belief systems. Of course this leads many to hold their beliefs more loosely or abandon them alltogether while others double down and hold their own beliefs even more rigidly. In many cases the later does not end well - the extreme cases leding to civil war and genocide. Suddenly Satan is all over the place because apparently this is what he does. He makes lies seem real and appealing. I don't know...it just seems super easy to take everything you don't like or understand and sweep under the rug of Satan and demons.

I have to think that the way ahead in this pluralistic world is via the path of both/and. Rather than pitting our disperate beliefs against each other, we need to find ways for them to coexist and respect one another.

Personally, it's both frustrating and confusing when I am confronted with the us/them/either/or mentality that remains alive and well in our culture and the church circles that I am coming back to after decades of absense. Confusing because this mentality is entangled with my own history - both my earlier religious experience and also my experience of privileged western citizen. Our way is what won us our success so thats pretty good reason for it being the best way. Of course there is always a best way. Once you find the best way, you need to get everyone else on board with the best way. In spiritual contexts, I feel a sort of shame triggered by the finger of "right belief" pointing at my beliefs that diverge with its scripture references and hubris. It puts me into a sort of hypnotic spell where I lose my bearings and start to question the validity of what I think I see in front of me. If right belief does not align with experience, maybe it's the experience that is incorrect.

I thik I'm far enough along now where I am able to resist the spell and continue plodding my own path of truth, but it's a fucking pain in the ass sometimes.

So I'm swimming. The clouds are beautiful. There is a hum of energy in the ocean. The warmth is pleasant. Everything around me feels alive. I'm repeating the word Jesus...Jesus...Jesus. It's a good word. It grounds me to the energy that binds all of us together into one super big "AND." It is full of love and it surrounds all of us.