Decoy

Finally making it back to the beach today. The fog has been a constant issue everyday this week. On Monday (two days ago) the fog was looking like it was clearing at about 11:00. It looked just a little iffy but I couldn’t really wait any longer so I thought I’d just take my chances and go. The parking lot was as clear as could be but by the time I hit the sand, I could barely see past the surf. I stood at the shore and just could not bring myself to head out. It just didn’t feel safe at all. I knew I would not be able to see the shore and the surf was not large but not small enough that I could hang out inshore. So I just went home.

Monday

Today the fog persisted until about 9. It still did not seem incredibly clear but I could make out Monarch point from the web cam and could see well past the surf. By 11:30 things had not gotten any worse so I left and it was all good. Skies are overcast and there is some haze in the air but I can see all the things that I need to see. The air is mild and as I walk down the stairs, I can see the lines of surf making their way to shore. There are a couple NW swells and a SW swell in the water right now.

Once I see the beach, the tide is high but on its way down. When the water reaches my feet, I can tell it is going to be pleasant. It’s shaping up to be a pretty great October so far as far as water temperature is concerned.

At my takeoff point, the waves are breaking very close to shore and I wait a couple minutes for a set to pass. Then I step on in and walk several steps forward before leaning into a full swim. The water feels pretty great. It’s about the same as it has been for the past 10 days - upper 60s I’d say.

I head south and saturate myself in this ocean experience - literally. I try to feel the water touching every inch of my skin. Swimming provides such a tactile way of relating to nature. You really can feel it moving over your entire body. Focus on a specific spot and the fluid sensation is right there.

The water visibility is not great but it looks clean and pure. Even though I can’t see the bottom through most of the swim, what I can see has a lovely brightness and vitality to it.

I can feel myself rolling over the pre-breaking waves as I make my way up and down the entire stretch of beach like a small rollercoaster. I give myself a little extra room when I reach the big rock at the south end to avoid any outside breaking waves like I encountered on Sunday. However it feels like I’m well clear of anything like that today. I turn around and head north. There are a couple times where I pass through a warm patch and I wonder how it can be October and how good it is to be out here. The water is so smooth especially considering it is after noon. Another Autumn perk.

I am searching for my true self as I look toward the horizon. I know just where it is. It is right here, but my mind tries to pull me to be anywhere but here, anywhere but now. I am constantly and seemingly involuntarily building false selves that float like decoys that I scatter about the water. I want to be like this or that. I want others to see some kind of image that if only I could consistently project. I want ot be doing something, something else, with my life.

What would I look like if I could let all of these selves sink to the bottom of this ocean? My imagination conjures an image of what that might be and the image becomes yet another decoy I deposit on the surface. I’m swimming through a house of mirrors and cannot discern the reflection from the reflected.

Well these decoys certainly are not alone. They have plenty of lobster trap buoys to keep them company. I frequently squint my eyes to try and make out the detail of something in the distance. Is it a dolphin fin? A shark fin? Nope…just another buoy, which I have grown very fond of by the way.

I can hear the soothing sound of surf breaking inshore. I see the waves pounce against the rocks and then watch the backwash flow right back toward me. The northern lifeguard tower grows sharper and sharper as I get closer and closer. Soon I am at my turnaround point and ready to make the final stretch back toward the finish. I’ve drifted a good bit west and aim myself right for the asphalt road on a slightly inland trajectory. I see the beach get closer and closer and eventually once I am just a couple houses from my destination I head directly south to avoid the breaking surf.

I’m hoping to intersect with one of the larger sets on the way back to shore but it doesn’t happen. Still the small set that is here pushes me in and I stand up just as the water is surging west as the next wave draws it all in. I feel invigorated and the walk up the stairs is shrouded in a sort of warm afterglow. This overcast looks like it is on the verge of burning off and I want to be right here when the sun finally makes its arrival.