Gives and Gives and Gives

I got to the Strand parking lot at about 6:15 this morning. The skies were clear but given yesterday’s behavior, I was a little nervous about oncoming fog. There were some clouds pretty far off shore and also some general haziness to the South. My plan is to run then swim and then head directly to church. I’m wondering if I should swim first. I have this crazy idea that if I run first, an ocean swim will surely cleanse me and then I just need to rinse off the salt water. I know this makes no sense. Anyways, the conditions seem pretty favorable and I’m not worried much about fog in the day’s future.

I run to the harbor and around the island and then back via cove road. It is pretty warm and humid this morning. I tell myself that even if it’s the worst fog mankind has ever seen, I am going to get in the water to cool off.

Cove Road

I get back to my car at about 7:40 and change into my swim suit.

Definitely no need to worry about fog here. It is such a beautiful morning. The tide is low and the ocean surface is smooth.

I walk out toward the surf and dive under a wave. As I emerge from the water I am struck by how refreshing this feels. This water feels so amazing and I don’t know how else to say it.

The surf is down just a touch from yesterday. I head South and the sun is pretty bright. I try to aim my face down the beach a bit to avoid the sun in my eyes.

When I get to the Southernmost turnaround point, the same rocks I was swimming over yesterday with the Garibaldi, are now exposed with the lower tide. As the waves approach, the water level descends and you can see quite a bit of this rock before the wave crashes over it.

I turn and head Northward. I’m thinking about Jesus and reflecting again on 1 John - the chapter I was wrestling with the other day and still chewing on. There is a verse that has stuck with me and I have been looking at it a few times a day: 1 John 5:11-12 - “And this is the testimony: God gave us eternal life and this life is in his son. Whoever has the son has life; whoever does not have the son of god does not have life.” When I read this, I feel a peace wash over me. I think of this eternal life permeated with love and grace where we can live our most authentic self to the fullest without fear. I envision Jesus as a force that acts as a conduit between our lostness and our fullness. I imagine Jesus here as a sort of big bang of freedom and redemption.

There is a part of my mind that demands to read this verse in a literalistic fashion. This voice points to the Dalai Lama, J. Krishnamurti, Eckart Tolle and many others, and states, “I don’t hear them talking bout the son. They don’t have life. Only those who profess that Jesus is the son of God have life. The path is narrow.” I hear that voice and I’m not getting an “Eternal Life” vibe. That voice is putting Jesus into this finite box where Jesus is there and we are over here and a bunch of other people not in our group are way way way over there.

I’m deciding to set that voice to the side and listen to this verse with my heart. The Son is all around us and always has been. The son is light - Pure light - and gives to everyone.

As I swim here I don’t have a sense of logical certitude as to how to properly parse these words into ideas. This verse is a conundrum. The son and the concept of son is a total mystery to me that I feel I have barely scraped the surface of. However I feel life, vibrant life, as I let the words of this verse wash over me. I’m reaching with every stroke to that life that gives and gives and gives.

I finish the swim. In the final 10 minutes I spy this surfer paddling parallel to my path. I mention to hm that I don’t think he is going to catch much out here. He laughs and says he is trying to get some exercise. We both comment how great the water is this morning (because it is).

I head up the stairs, rinse off and put on some clothes. I stop by the Monarch Plaza Starbucks on the way to Laguna.

By the time I get to church, I’m pretty tired. The sermon is going over several Psalms and I am struggling. Struggling to stay awake and struggling with the references to thrones in heaven. I wonder is it just me that gets hung up on this? Maybe the other people in this room don’t think God is sitting on some actual throne, but they appreciate the sentiments communicated in this language. For me it is some major feat to get past this rhetoric and I assume the rest of the church is totally on board with that kind of thinking. But maybe they don’t have the baggage I have and can just appreciate these words as words and it’s no big deal.

I don’t know. Overall I feel like this is a good experience. I think this all raises a bunch of questions that I need to mull over that is much more about me than it is about them.