I left the house at 10:00 and what perfect timing. It can sometimes be hard to time a swim. On the one hand, I suppose it’s not hard at all. You get your stuff together, get in the car, drive to the beach, get in the water, and swim. Sure you can approach it that way and save yourself a whole lot of thinking. However, I like to do what I can to optimize the swim experience. Also, overthinking is one of my natural born strengths and I want to use the gifts the good lord has given me.

I try to plan two swims during the five day work week and then swim Saturday and Sunday unless my schedule just doesn’t permit me getting out or the conditions are unsafe. I also really try to push to get out Friday so the real question is what day will I swim between Monday and Thursday. Because this is Southern California, many, if not most, weeks provide ample days just as worthy of a swim as another. This week is a little trickier. The weather is kind of junky. I was going to go yesterday but it was cloudy and windy all day and the forecast made today look more desirable with warmer temps and less wind. So I ran yesterday.

This morning was actually colder than yesterday, but not quite as windy. At 8:45 it was drizzly. I wanted to get out early after a 6:30 am meeting but got held up. Then the forecast changed a bit and a window of less wind appeared during the 10 and 11 hours. Also the clouds started to part and give way to partly sunny skies. By the time I got to the Strand parking lot at 10:15, it was exceedingly pleasant out.

There was some good bump on the water but nothing like yesterday, very light breeze and a predominately sun-shiny vibe. I could feel the warmth of the sun all the way down the stairs and it was good.

It was a medium tide and as the water hit my feet, I began to do my compare and contrasting exercise against what I felt on Sunday. I honestly can’t remember exactly how it felt Sunday but I do know that what I am feeling now does not feel bad at all. Not warm but it doesn’t have that bite of water in the 50s.

I’m expecting the water to feel similar to Sunday once I start swimming and I imagine in my mind that will be “tolerable.” All morning I have been thinking, “oh it’s gonna be cold, but it will also most likely feel warmer than I think it will feel.” Well, there is always a VERY strong likelihood that the entire experience will be better than I imagine. My mind just can’t seem to keep hold of the more positive outlook.

As I go through the ritual of walking up the beach to my usual spot I am thinking to myself, “in less than three minutes I will be fully submerged in the water and will be glad that I am. I just have to make it through these last few minutes.”

I get in the water. I walk and walk through several troughs in the sand until I get to the primary surf break. Then I dive in and go. Wow. It is nice. I just can’t believe how nice it is. Is it really this pleasant? Was it like this Sunday? Maybe. I remember having that same sensation of surprise. Similar to cold water swim days, I forget just how cold it was and that’s probably a good thing.

It amazes me how everything changes once you get over 60 degrees. Though I should note, 60 in April/May is much warmer than 60 in November. I mean technically 60 is 60. However my body is now accustomed to 57 and 60 just feels so nice. 60 after becoming accustomed to 68 in the Summer and Fall can feel like 55.

So I am just going to soak this swim in and enjoy it.

The water is blue and clean and clear much of the way. The sunshine is lovely and is enhanced by the big puffy clouds that dot the sky in just about every direction.

There is a good amount of movement in the water but I’m enjoying that. It’s not at all a fight and it almost feels like I have current working for me in both directions. I don’t know exactly how that works but I’m just a software engineer.

I’m thinking of this email I got this morning from another software engineer I had interacted with on a project about 10 years ago. Most mornings my inbox is full of work related stuff from folks working in far away time zones and a bit of spam. So it was great to see a friendly note from this super great person.

He and I share a similar past in the sense that we were once fairly obsessed with work and then got burnt out and then wondered what was next. I wrote several blog posts on this experience here and here. My friend Scott who emailed me read those posts and commented on his experience in his own post. He is in “mid-life” like me and has ramped down his work schedule and is pursuing a different direction. Good for him.

I replied to his email and mentioned that I am still doing software development, that it pays the bills, it’s not where I want to see myself in five years, but I don’t have clarity on where I do see myself. I said I’m trying not to worry about it and just see where life takes me. I realize that can sound kind of corny but I have had so many instances in the past where I force a path ahead out of anxiety and I end up feeling like I took a wrong turn. I say that I'm trying something new now with trusting and yielding to what is happening around me. I'm trying to approach my future like surfing a wave. Ok. Maybe the corny factor is just increasing but what else can I say? That really is what I believe.

The act of writing those words to Scott makes me ponder them over the morning. I focus in of the phrase “trusting and yielding” and the image of surfing life. This evokes a sort of feeling in the center of my body. It’s a feeling that is hard to describe but lends itself nicely to this swim.

There is nothing to do out here but swim. Every stroke is an act of yielding. I let the resistance of my hand against the water pull me forward. This pure, blue, (dare I say) warm water cradles and sustains me. This ocean has the possibility of being wonderful and terrible. Right now I just trust that it will land me on the shore.

I don’t know what will happen when I get home and start up work again. I don’t know what the rest of this week and month will look like. I don’t know if I will still be in this job or line of work next year or in the next decade.

I do know that this ocean will be here every single day during the rest of my life and for as long as I can, I will come to this shore in the warmth and the cold and yield to what the water has to give.

Oof…still corny.