Oh man I just looked over Wednesday’s post title and after today’s swim I can firmly say that today was NOT the day to target for a surfing session. Based on the forecast, I knew that any swim much past 10:00 could be iffy in the wind department. I had a 9:00 meeting and there was no way I was going to swim early today when the temperature was 41 degrees outside. No question about it I would die probably before I ever stepped foot in the water. There was a 6 foot high tide at 9:45 and I wanted to at least wait for it to get down to the high 5’s. Anyways, I left at 10:30.

Looking through the web cams, the surface was far from smooth but it wasn’t victory at sea either. There was a little chop on the water and I was not going to let that stop me. As much as I wanted to find a fire to sit in front of somewhere, I was determined to get in a swim.

The sky is mostly clear but the horizon and the northern end of the coast have a heavy layer of haze creating a dimming effect on the overall lighting. I reach the parking lot and the water’s surface does not look terrible. I can see the palm fronds above drifting in the breeze but I don’t see any chop on the ocean anymore. Who knows, maybe that was just some kind of distortion on the cam. I grab my stuff, get out of the car and secure my keys in the lock box that I leave on my car door handle. Thankfully the temperature has climbed to 57 but the breeze is not helping. I am very aware of the sun shining on my left ear. Thank you sun! My ear very much appreciates this.

I can’t believe I am doing this. Remind me again Matt, why are we doing this? I realize how this is all an exercise in separating the future from my present experience. I have not yet experienced the future and I will never experience the future because by the time my experience catches up it will no longer be the future and it will be completely different from how I imagined it to be. I only ever experience the present moment. All I can do is look back on the countless present moments I have had in the water and my objective recollection (though there really is no such thing) tells me that these moments are all great, but I just can’t see that now.

I notice how I have been doing the same out of the water. I get so wrapped up in how I want the future to unfold and afraid of it unfolding differently, horribly. The fact of the matter is that the present moment that I am trying to escape into this constructed future vision…well, it’s not so bad. And in fact, if I had complete belief that the future will unfold splendidly then it would be so much easier to find delight in the present.

So here I am walking down the stairs and I am in this delightful place and I am about to get in the water which memory tells me will be great. So what’s to be anxious about? Ok, sure, it will not be warm. It will not be comfortable. It will be difficult and challenging at times. I can say this for sure as I sit with my coffee after all this water activity is finished: my body feels electric. My arms and legs are still buzzing from the water. I sit here with memories of the water sloshing about my face and all the things that I saw above and below and every single recollection feeds me with gratitude and well being.

I’ve been doing this for almost 5 years now so I am very aware of these inner waves crashing in my head. It’s just waves. Not long after they break, the water will be still again until the next set rolls in. I watch and observe and give myself space. I allow this one thought to create an escape valve: if I am miserable, I can get out early. I don’t need to swim for an hour. Nothing terrible will happen if I get out. No one depends on me to finish the swim. I can get out at any time but what I must do is get in. And I know how all this goes down. Once I am in, I won’t want to get out and if I do get out early it’s because that is the safe thing to do.

Ok…enough ruminating. On to the swim. When I get to the lower bathrooms, it looks like something is happening out on the water. There are several Pelicans flying about and diving into the water. There are also lots of Dolphins. What is interesting, not that all of the above is not interesting, is that the Dolphins do not seem to be on their way somewhere. Usually they are traveling from one end of the beach to the other. However, here they just seem to be swimming about in the same area as the Pelicans. I assume there must be some kind of a fish thing going on here and there is a feast underway. Hmm…this could be a truly interesting swim.

The tide is high but it has come down far enough to leave some beach to walk on. The inner shallows of the water is clear and cold. There is a Pelican lounging on the water just a few feet from shore right about where I enter the water. However, as I approach and well before my feet take the first step into the ocean, it flies away.

I wonder what it is that I am going to see out there. Is it going to be dolphin city? Will this be the day that the magic happens? Will Krishna appear in a chariot on the water as though I am Arjuna and lay down my life’s purpose? Will he reveal the fullness of all creation like Indra’s net stretched out over the water?

Welp, spoiler alert…no that is not what happens. Shortly after I get into the rhythm of swimming south, I look around me and wonder where the party went. Maybe it is happening and I just don’t see it? I am swimming inshore of the height of the activity and facing the beach. I’m sorry but I just can’t bring myself to swim all the way out there in this cold.

Water is seeping annoyingly into my goggles and I pause a couple times to finally fix that. Then I see fish. Lots and lots of fish. The water is clear so they are easy to see. I have not seen much fish, if any, at all since November, but there must be thousands of medium sized silver fish just beneath me. It’s super cool. I’m sure this is what the Pelicans and Dolphins are after. Come over here Dolphins and Pelicans! You won’t be disappointed. Alas, they do not come.

The current is definitely moving south today in my direction and I am wondering just what things are going to be like when I come back north. Well that moment comes soon enough and there is absolutely a change in the tone and vibe of the swim. It’s an E-ticket ride all the way up to the north end of the beach. And yes, I do make it to the north end of the beach. There were a couple moments where I entertained ending early. I’d say it is colder than Wednesday but warmer then last weekend. Maybe we are just talking half a degree but I feel good enough. I know I can do it and I do. Also, I am sure that when I turn back around to finish up, things will likely wrap themselves up pretty quick with the current at my back again.

I can only recall a few glimpses above the water. I guess because it felt like I was under water the whole northbound swim. It seemed like I only got in one full breath for every several strokes. Sheets of water continually streamed down my goggles. I’m holding in my mind’s eye right now one of the few memories of blue ocean surface beneath a greyish sky. It’s a great memory. I didn’t have to pay any money for it and I get to keep it for a good long while until it gets crowded out from all the memories that will come from future swims.