It’s not getting any warmer here. It was 47 degrees when I left for the gym and 52 at 9:20 when I left for the beach. Beautiful day though and with the sun shining, 52 felt more like 65 to me. It also probably helped that I just sweat my brains out on the elliptical machine.

I’m not sure what to expect in the water temperature department. I was out of town on Wednesday to Friday but I saw some serious onshore wind blowing from the webcams and, like the last water temperature forecast said, that should close the final curtain on our warm water season. However, the water temperature on surfline still reads 68. Surfline is notorious for not updating its water temperature readings so I just don’t believe it. Then I go browsing some other sites to see if anyone might have differing water temp readings. One site says 66. Well, that would be delightful if true but, just in case, I pack a backpack for the first time since May with a towel and sweatshirt.

When I get to the parking lot, conditions are gorgeous. Water surface looks smooth and the sky is crystal clear with a good view of Catalina Island. I’m so comfortable, I put my shirt in my backpack which I still think might be a good idea to take with me (and I do).

When I reach the beach and feel the water, it is undoubtedly cooler but it’s hard to get a sense of the actual temperature. It doesn’t feel terribly cold.

I set down my backpack and head out to the water. Oh man the water is just beautiful. It looks really clear. It feels colder as I walk in to mid torso but still not crazy frigid.

I take the plunge and now I’m starting to feel the difference. I have the sensation of being on the verge of an “ice cream headache” but don’t completely get there. I try to just soak in the cold. After a couple minutes I feel a little warmer. I’m thinking, “ok this is kind of nice. Not too cold.” Then after a little longer I confirm, no, it is definitely cold. Still, not crazy cold but absolutely cold. I’m predicting 60.

What the water lacks in heat it gains in beauty. It is the clearest day in months and I think I see more fish today than I have all year. All along the beach there are large schools of fish and I can see them with perfect clarity. The brown of the sand, the green of the sea grass, the blue of the water, the purple of the kelp on the rocks, the orange of some Garibaldi - it all makes for a pristinely beautiful swim.

I’m thinking today of a book I just finished, Hegoland: Making Sense of the Quantum Revolution by Carlo Rovelli. I find quantum physics fascinating and this was a particularly good book on the topic. I know a lot of quantum physicists hate it when the topic gets pulled into discussions on metaphysics or religion. However when I read books and articles in this field, they inevitable have an impact on how I view spirituality. Maybe because I have a hard time, or simply refuse, to see spiritual existence and physical existence as two separate things.

Under the lense of quantum physics, reality is totally weird. Even scientists are flabbergasted by how weird it is. When we look at an object like a chair or a table, we see what we perceive to be a sloid piece of matter with specific qualities of color, texture, etc. However according to quantum mechanics, that table or chair is mostly empty space. Not just mostly but like vastly mostly. Even weirder is that it looks solid because it is moving. The electrons are moving in specific patterns which give an object its texture and temperature. Furthermore, according to quantum mechanics, matter does not possess distinct properties. Rather, it is the relationship between observer and object that give matter its qualities. I am totally not an expert on this and don’t think I can go much deeper and articulate it accurately. However, color is an easy one. The sky is not blue. The sky looks blue because the frequency of light bounces off of our human retinas in such a way to make them appear to us as blue (whatever blue is).

As I think about all of this, it resonates with the difficulty I have perceiving our relationship to the divine in terms of subject and object and absolute self-standing entities. The thought of God being out there and having a son Jesus and they both exist in heaven where they previously kicked out Satan who now lives in hell and we humans relate to these figures and based upon our opinions and actions of these characters, who gets custody of our eternal existence is determined. That feels like a Newtonian perspective. However does that mean those ideas are not true? Newtonian physics works! Its how we fly planes and generally plot a path from point A to point B. We simply could not function without Newtonian physics.

As I think of all of this I am just drawn to the thought that at a very precise and fundamental level, there is no separation between any of these entities. We create these figures and and spiritual cosmologies as we relate to our experience of what happens around us and how it makes us feel. That doesn’t necessarily mean it is all purely make believe. Depending on our point of views, the divine can be seen as something outside of ourselves that acts upon us yet from a different perspective can be seen as a fabric that we are all woven into.

We are constantly creating stories to give meaning and reason to our experience because we have to. How else can we explain reality to ourselves and discuss it with others? However when it comes to spirituality and things that we might classify as “mystery” and unseen, its just a story. That doesn’t mean its not a good story or a helpful story, but it is a story (or myth). We make stories about how we see ourselves and others in our life. I have stories I tell myself about why I think I am the way I am. Others have very different stories about why they think I am the way that I am. Others will often think that their own stories about someone else is a more accurate story that the one held by that same someone. Whose story is more “true.” Maybe they are both true from a different perspective. Maybe Sally is a Narcissist from one angle and extremely compassionate from another.

The trinity is a story. Humans have made observations about the behavior of what they believe to be “spirit” and “creator” and have come up with the image of the trinity. Now I love love love the trinity and find it to be a lovely representation of the divine. I love how it paints our notion of God as a relationship. I love that one can look at God and see a completely different actor: creator, intercessor, wind-like helper. I don’t think these three characters have an absolute, distinctive existence beyond our own perceptions. We have made an attempt to visualize our experience of the unseen and have developed this beautiful poem of trinity.

There are lots of other poems in the collection of human culture that are also beautiful. There are others that are not so beautiful and wreak terrible harm on many. Even the same representations that are lovely and helpful to one can be turned to be destructive to others.

I think about all of this today and wonder if it is not the subjects and objects - the things, the nouns that draw me but rather the verbs. We (and by we I mean I) like to focus on the nouns and separate things into different things. Verbs are hard. Verbs move through us and have no regard for our separateness. Love, sorrow, longing, joy, etc. I don’t know. Maybe verbs isn’t the right word. It’s the things that the things do and the way that they act upon one another that elicit a state of being.

It makes me think of listening to a song. Especially a Christian song with lots of “lords” and “kings” and “blood.” These things I might find ridiculous on an absolute or literal level, but if I allow myself to be lost in the melody and spirit of the subtext, the things gain a realness and quality of truth.

Today I was reading the gospel of John - probably my favorite book of the bible. In John, Jesus is always talking about our relationship to the divine in totally confounding ways. He says how we need to be born a second time. He says we need to eat of his flesh and drink of his blood. All these things we do to have eternal life. His audience doesn’t get it. How would I enter my mother’s womb a second time? Clearly I am not meant to pick up a fork and have at it on the arm of Jesus. I think maybe there is a verb here that is subtle that we are invited to experience if we can look beyond the simple nouns presented by the text. Hell if I know what that verb is, but I’m trying to find it and I know it exists.

I don’t know if any of this is making sense but I can’t stop thinking about it today in light of the quantum physics book I just finished. I’m thinking of the divine as verb and this verb has a gravitational force that draws all the nouns into it. Once absorbed into its core, we lose the ability to perceive the nouns as separate. Also, I totally realize that I have now carried this far beyond quantum physics to a place that would probably make the physicist vomit. I think that’s part of the wonder and appeal of the topic honestly. This view of the universe feeds our imagination and makes it difficult not to get caught up in it. We find ourselves in this crazy nuts reality that forms the building blocks of our physical world and suddenly feel license to go crazy nuts into the metaphysical.

So maybe this is where I will just stop.

I finish my beautiful and cold swim and am glad I can towel off the cold water before taking a walk with my dad.

We walk by the Salt Creek lifeguard tower and the water temperature reading is 60. Ha! I was right!