Another cloudy May day. I woke up this morning with a pretty good case of the Monday blues. In fact I did something I rarely do which is go back to bed after my 4:30 alarm. I usually have no problem getting up in the morning but today I was really feeling like another couple hours was necessary so I set the alarm for 6:30. After lying in bed just another 10 minutes, I felt like I could perhaps face the world. I turned off the alarm and was off to my usual morning routine.

So what was it going to be today? Run or swim? Let’s really over think this to death because I’m so damn good at that! Clearly I’m a bit out of sorts today so I decide a swim is going to be the best thing for me today. I do love to run and for decades that was my exercise drug of choice, but since I discovered swimming in the ocean a couple years ago, its like discovering heroine after weed. I mean that’s what I imagine at least. Done lots of weed 20 to 30 years ago after I finally came to grips that after the first half hour, I didn’t really care for it and wanted to be done. Never have done heroine nor does it seem like it would be good to start now or ever. Only other thing I’ve done is LSD and mushrooms a long time ago. I’d do them again too in the right environment but I’m not in any hurry and I would certainly not liken those experiences to swimming.

Well that was a tangent (for those who believe in tangents). I get out of my last meeting at 10:30 and I pretty much immediately leave the house to get ahead of the midday winds. It’s still cloudy and as I write this it is dark and the sun never showed up at all today. Still, the beach is nice. The water surface is relatively smooth and its approaching a negative low tide. I run into a very nice woman who I see every now and then and we always exchange a pleasant conversation which feels nice. It is just another thing that makes this beach feel like home.

I head out into the water and its pleasant. The surf is relatively calm and the water is nice and even nicer past the surf. The visibility is not bad today. Much better than the last week. The water is a beautiful dark blue. It seems like there is lots of kelp today. Of course I know there is no more kelp today than other days in the recent past but I am able to see a lot. The branches sway and dance. Some look like benevolent multi armed monsters waving their hands this way and that. I like to reach out and touch them if I can.

I’ve been thinking a lot the last few days about the whole energy shifting thing I was talking about Friday when I mentioned that diving into the water can instantly shift the energy in my body and transform my perspective upon the present in ways I can not anticipate prior to the swim. It’s very true. I don’t think it is particularly magical or “supernatural” even if it kind of feels like it sometimes. It makes perfect sense. My environment and the way I move in it completely and dramatically changes so naturally it will impact my physiological and psychological state. Most often this is a good change and very often a very good change. I’ve been thinking about how I have experiences like this out of the water as well. There are so many examples and I feel like I have been very sensitive and attracted to these energy shifts lately.

Most recently was church on Sunday. This is something new for me. I mean I used to go to church 30 years ago and then stopped but on Easter I went to a church with my wife and foster son and was honestly surprised by this wave of peace that washed over me during the worship. So I have been going back because it feels like something good that I want more of. In these worship services you often see people outstretch their hands and close their eyes as they sing. As an outsider it can look weird and maybe even creepy. I’ve decided to give it a go anyways. I’ve realized that I am often only cheating myself by trying not to look weird. Here’s the thing, this posture changes our energy. Sure I could stuff my hands in my pockets and stand stiff looking ahead at the band and basically deflect the energy coming my way, but I find by extending my arms and hands, my heart becomes receptive. The lyrics in the songs may seem weird and not make sense but as I surrender to them as song and not try to dissect every word, a very emotional chord is evoked. I don’t understand it but I tell you what - I love it and want more of it and so I’m gonna take what I can when the energy is there to be had.

I think of the energy I feel when I read the bible or a chapter of the Tao Te Ching and how it can give me hope and open me to put my trust in this path that is in front of me. I think of the energy that shifts inside of me when I adjust my posture or wear certain clothes. I think about the energy I feel when I visualize imagery like, just as an example, a light of love shining on my heart. I think about how I respond differently to my immediate circumstances as this energy changes and as I respond differently, different events, experiences, and outcomes present themselves.

What patterns of thinking and behavior get me stuck in energy that holds me back without even thinking of it and what perspectives can open me to better energies that can expand my experience of life and make me feel at peace and fully myself? Well I’m certainly open to finding out and so I’ve been paying attention and trying to make repeatable anything that I feel opens me to good (not always the same as “positive”) energy.

I guess that means I’m gonna keep swimming!