Another beautiful day today. Full sun and warm outside. I head to the beach at about 8:15. There are Jr. Lifeguard signs with arrows pointing the way to the beach. I did not notice these signs last week. Did they get lost last week and still feel uncertain where the beach is located?

I head down the stairs and it is looking very much like yesterday: a beautiful summer morning. Well technically it is the day before summer today but you have me fooled. It is low tide and not much going on yet here on the shore. The surf is down and the ocean surface is pretty calm. The water feels good on the feet. It seems like every day it keeps getting warmer. I make my way into the water and I barely flinch as I dive in to start the swim.

I’m swimming just a bit closer to shore today. There really is not much in the way of waves to keep me out any further. Visibility is not great but I‘d say it is better than yesterday. In some spots I can make out the ocean floor. When I get to the South end of the beach I pause and take in the view of the rocks. I remember yesterday’s swim report where I tried to describe the scene and wonder if I did it justice. I think it was pretty accurate. I’m super close to the rocks and the waves lift me up giving me more of an ariel view. Because the waves are not really moving in the direction of the rocks, I feel pretty secure where I am. I turn around and begin to head North.

I don’t know why, but often a pristine summer day like this brings back a memory from my early 20s when I lived for a couple years in Isla Vista, a small university community just North of Santa Barbara. The memory is of a beautiful sunny day and I am sitting on the cliff above an exquisite shoreline smoking weed. I was miserable. The entire time that I lived there was a very dark time for me. I can remember sitting there and thinking that this was such a purely radiant scene, and I was completely incapable of enjoying it. I had no idea who I was or where my place was in life. I can remember walking down the streets of Isla Vista thinking to myself, “I have no idea who I am.” I felt entirely disconnected from my feelings. I read and read and read trying to find out what life was all about. Some of the books were pretty great: lots of western existential philosophers and eastern scriptural texts. However, I had this sense that there was no book that was gonna lift me out of this funk and point the way. I was smoking dope every day chasing some solace to take me out of what I was which was also super not helping. I’m not necessarily anti-marijuana. I have had some good experiences but for me (and everyone is different) it kept me in a mental/emotional rut that I needed to climb out of.

On days like today I like to put my present self back into my former self and allow myself to see the beauty of that sunny, warm beautiful Santa Barbara coast line for what it was. I think I was wearing a black trench coat at the time and feeling uncomfortably warm, but those clothes acted as a sort of shell that I was emotionally hibernating inside of. As I imaging myself now sitting there as who I am today, I am wearing shorts and a t-shirt and thinking, “why not head down the stairs and take a swim in that beautiful ocean.”

I eventually moved to San Francisco and began to experience some healing and emotional freedom. The big trigger was discovering mountain biking. Some how I stumbled upon this and would ride over the golden gate bridge and spend the entire day in the Marin county trails. It got me out of my head, out of my books, outside, and allowed me to truly have a life giving experience of nature. In Muir Woods, Mt. Tam, Pt Reyes, I felt such a high. I can remember thinking, “why did I not discover this when I lived in Southern California?” I thought my life could have been so much happier and lighter. I don’t know. Part of me thinks maybe I needed to pass through that valley, but I’m not sure.

Anyhoo, I don’t feel like I have any excessive clothing on now. Anything less would be illegal! I make my way North to the Green Monster buoy and then turn back to where I started the swim. Shortly before ending the swim, I could see a couple bass hovering in the kelp. I had a little extra time afterwards and walked to the South end of the beach and back. Then I passed my dad on the way back up the ramp. It’s so great to live in a place where I can spontaneously bump into my dad out of the blue!