Swimming in the Under Current

Overcast skies again this morning. While it eventually got sunny at my house yesterday, I don’t think the Strand ever saw the sun. Today may not be any different.

I left a little before 7:30. As I was traveling down the overpass toward PCH just before San Juan Creek, it looked like there was a light fog resting over the city of Dana Point. From the web cams, things looked clear enough and when I got to the parking lot, I could definitely see fairly far out, well past where I would be swimming, but man, it is not looking like summer. Or maybe it is looking exactly like summer and I just want summer to look different.

Despite the lack of sun, it is pleasant out.

I head to the stairs passing the Sea Lion warning sign. I chatted with the lifeguard yesterday after my swim and he said there were a couple minor incidents later in the week and each incident is a different Seal/Seal Lion. The sign makes it sound like there is a single rouge Sea Lion roaming about.

When I get to the beach, there is this guy balancing rocks on top of each other. He just has a couple stacked up right now.

The water feels good and about the same, maybe a touch warmer, than yesterday. This morning Surfline raised the water temp reading from 64 to 66. Wow, 66 does seem bold but maybe that is right after the sun comes out at least. For the record, put me down for 65.

The surf is the same paltry size as it was yesterday, but it is a much smoother ride.

It’s such a pleasant swim this morning. I’m trying to extinguish the turbulence from my mind. I’m thinking of this situation at work. Actually there are a few “situations” at work. Some are totally internal and others are with other people. Part of me, a big part, just wants this stuff to go away. However, the reality is that it is not going away. There must be a path forward. I have these internal fights in my head with various people. I have this sense that the path forward involves some surrender. It’s not necessarily just giving up and letting things just play themselves out but more about giving up my own ego that wants things to be the way I think they should be and maybe focus more on helping the people and products I am working with with the aim of making them better.

I just want to merge with this water and become liquid myself. I wonder if that is what I need to become at work - liquid - find the paths of least resistance. I want to fight for my own ideas of what I think is right but maybe I need to just work with the energy that is “in the room” so to speak.

As I am heading north, a Pelican is gliding just above the ocean surface and flies practically right in front of my face - pretty spectacular. It seems like I have seen fewer birds lately but I see several today.

I can see the Green Monster buoy from pretty far away due to the smooth water today. Once I reach it, I see two stand up paddlers making their way south. Then all of a sudden I see a dolphin, maybe two, surface very briefly. I see its fins come up and then go back down. I look around for a minute and never see it come back up. I can hear what I think is it’s exhaling sound in the distance but I don’t see anything.

I head back to finish the swim. When I reach the ramp I see the final result of that guy’s rock stack. It is pretty impressive. I also notice that the four or five feet high Jupiter shaped rock that has been nearly completely exposed for months is now submerged in sand and only the top two feet is visible.

I head back to my car, shower at the bathrooms and go to church.

The pastor speaks about the importance of acknowledging we are sinners as I squirm in my chair. That phrasing just feels wrong. I feel like it’s the equivalent of saying that it is important to admit you are a fuck up. Well, that’s not really a problem for me. Maybe this is a sermon for the narcissists in the room?

One thing I have been thinking about lately is that while I admit this language falls flat for me and may trigger the urge to run from the pew for many “post-churched” folk, it does actually speak to a large number of people today. Clearly it connects deeply with this pastor. I do wonder if it is a generational thing since the pastor is probably 15 years older than me, but there are others in the church that look to be in their 20s that seem to be resonating with this as well.

I don’t know. It’s like I mused in yesterday’s post, I think there is an undercurrent in this message that does speak to every heart and some just gravitate to that and don’t get hung up like I do on the details of the language and imagery. I also think many want to be given a solid sense of how things are ordered and what is the absolute correct way to navigate said order. There is great power in believing that and believing that what was said in the bible is God breathed and given to us as a owner’s manual for life.

I just feel that works great until it doesn’t. Until the territory starts to look different than the map of the bible or at least how any single person or group is interpreting it. Until one begins to identify ambiguities in life and feels the need to look the other way to avoid the cognitive dissonance between what they hear in church and what they see in front of them.

I’m trying hard not to have these kind of arguments in my head. I don’t want to judge how others look at all of this. I really just want to move forward with my own beliefs and swim in that undercurrent of grace and love that connects everyone.