The Cold is a Koan

I left at 10:30 this morning. Conditions are similar to yesterday. However, the fog cleared much earlier this morning, but it is questionable if we will see any hint of sun today. I know I have questions.

Surfline is still reporting 54 degree water temperatures. I’m just not sure how accurate that is. I’m hoping that today will be just as pleasant as yesterday.

I get to the beach and it feels a bit chilly walking down the stairs. However, as is often the case, things feel warmer on the shore.

I’m battling this monster of dread. It’s yelling in my ear about what misery awaits me in this cold water on this dreary day. I hear the words but I know they are wrong. I feel like this is a good muscle to exercise and it is a big reason why I do this year round. Life is filled with these moments where we take a path we imagine can only lead to suffering and even ruin, but it doesn’t. Monsters stand on either side yelling prophecies of doom. We can choose to believe them or we can just keep walking forward and trust that we are being lead to the place we are meant to go.

These swims are a sort of self-manufactured path of sorts. I feel like I have sort of stumbled upon it. I found the monsters, I have learned they can’t hurt me and even better I have found the rainbow at the end of the path that terminates in the water. The monsters are always here but so is the rainbow. There is a shift I can physically feel in my energy as I plunge into the water. I seek that same shift on shore.

So the shore is lovely today in its own way. The water feels about the same as yesterday on my feet. I have to say that it looks like there is even more sand today - at least near where I plant my backpack.

As I start to walk out, the tide is a bit lower today and I discover there are still some uncovered boulders that I need to traverse. I lose my balance walking over one and fall back ending up neck deep in water. Well that’s one way to get wet. So I just start swimming until I get to the sand bar. There is quite a bit more surf today as a south swell is peaking. I walk on the sand to make better headway over this part. If I remain horizontal over the water, I just get pushed back with every wave. Soon I am past the surf and I start to head south.

The water is almost identical to yesterday. It is kind of a dark and dingy green. It is cold but my body adjusts and I soon feel relatively comfortable over most of the swim. I wonder if it is really mid-low 50s and I have just acclimated? It feels more like 57/58. However, last night’s socal water temp forecast showed south Orange county at 54 - just as cold as Santa Barbara (rare). It is supposed to warm up this week. South eddy winds are due tomorrow and Thursday which is sort of like our hot air blow dryer and expected to get us back to the upper 50s.

Well it is a wonderful swim today. This weather brings a unique beauty and peace quite different from a warm sunny day. It envelopes and consumes me. I let my mind dissolve into the formless horizon and open my skin to receive the gift this water brings. The cold holds this fierce but soft energy. The cold becomes a rosary bead that I turn and turn and turn in my mind. It is a koan that I try to penetrate by extinguishing all effort. I can hear my breath.

I periodically gaze up to evaluate my trajectory toward the Salt Creek lifeguard tower. I try to extend the intervals by which I do this. I play a game with myself - how long can I go without looking? Sometimes I feel like my inner compass is telling me I am bound toward San Pedro. I look up and I am veering the opposite direction towards shore. This is why I don’t swim in the fog. I’m sure San Pedro is lovely but I have things to do today. Wait…San Pedro…nope, not so lovely. Well, I am sure there is some isolated area in San Pedro that is lovely. Maybe one day I should try to find it via land.

The swim comes to an end. I cross paths with a woman I see every once in a while at the top of the stairs. We talk briefly of the cold air and water. She tells me Wim Hof would be proud. That makes me laugh.