Would you Like Some Large Surf with that Cold Water?

I left the house at 7:45 this morning for the beach. We are due for some rain this afternoon and possibly much more over the next week so I might as well get in the water while I can.

There are some clouds in the sky from the front that is on its way in, but overall it is a nice morning and in the 50s.

I get to the parking lot and begin making my way down the stairs. The most notable thing that catches my eye are the large incoming lines of waves that break well within view. On most days, you might not see break water until you are much closer to the sand. The fact that it is breaking further out means that it is bigger than normal.

Before I left, Surfline reports 3-5 feet, which is not small but also not particularly large. You really have to take the surf reports with a grain of salt. For instance, yesterday was supposed to be 3-4+ but it looked closer to 2-3. However there are a ton of factors at play. Yesterday I was here at a much higher tide which can slow down the surf. It’s mid-tide right now. At any rate, things look bigger than 3-5.

I get to the beach and it still does not look scary big. I make my way out past the surf. I dive under a couple waves on my way out. Again, larger than the last few weeks but not huge. Once I am past the surf, I feel warmer than I have in a while. I am pretty sure it is just nerves from dealing with the waves. I can feel the cold soon enough.

As I make my way south I am noticing that every now and then, a particularly large lump of water rolls it way beneath me and I rise and fall and then watch it break, splashing high up as the lip hits the surface below the wave. I realize that eventually I am going to have to head in and possibly contend with these.

When I get close to my southern turnaround point, I am having a hard time finding my landmark rock that tells me it is time to turn around. I am further out than normal and waves are breaking over that rock. Regardless, I feel close enough to the southern cliffs and do not feel comfortable getting any closer in this surf.

There is a fishing boat very close to where I am. I turn around to head north and the boat moves closer to me and then speeds north past me leaving me in its wakes.

On my northern journey I am thinking more of my eventual and inevitable swim to shore. The fact is that there is nothing I can do about it. I also kind of enjoy how these thoughts draw me into the present moment. I try to relax my thoughts about the future. The last few times I have been in large surf, the swim to shore always ends up being much tamer than I feared. Why should today be different? I try to allow myself to be absorbed by the energy in the water where I am swimming now.

After my final turnaround point, I know that the moment of truth is coming up. I can see the beach and it looks so tranquil. Where I am now is smooth and blue. There is just this thin ribbon that lies before the shore that is sometimes calm and sometimes not.

As I swim south I try to very gradually veer inland. I begin pretty far out to avoid the surf that is breaking further out today.

Well the time has come to head in. I try to peer behind me to see if there are any large waves coming up behind me. There are a couple large waves that I let break just past where I am. Then it seems as if the set has passed. Well not much longer I see a large wave on the verge of breaking. I’m in the awkward position where there is no way I can make it under the wave before it breaks and I am still out far enough where I cannot stand with my head out of the water.

The wave breaks and I try to dive as deep as I can. I manage to avoid a total spin cycle and resurface. There is another large wave even closer. I can’t get as deep as I was on the first wave and the force of the break tosses me around and holds me under for a bit. I manage to find the floor with my feet and push myself up as hard as I can to breach the surface.

Now there is another wave that breaks right in front of me. I also notice my camera floating in the distance. My thought is, “Screw the camera. I want to live.” It feels like I hardly got any air and I don’t really have time to dive at all. The wave just rolls right over me sending me into spin cycle number 2.

I’m under for longer this time. Make my way up and there is another wave coming but it is of the “leftover” variety at the end of the set. I am floating on my back and kicking. I am staring west looking to see if there are more and breathing quickly trying to recover my lung capacity. I have already grieved my camera. It served me well.

I turn over and start swimming and soon I am able to walk the rest of the way to shore. I will say this, I don’t think I spent one second thinking about the cold during this entire ordeal.

Just as I exit the water, I see my camera wash up right by my feet. Well this is a nice bonus. I get to live AND keep my camera!

I can feel the adrenaline pumping through me all the way home. When I get to my computer, I see an email by Kristen Ulmer (I am on her newsletter list). She wrote a book I read a couple years ago called The Art of Fear. I really liked this book and find Ms. Ulmer very insightful. Her email linked to an article in Ski magazine about her Ski camps. The article had this great quote from her:

“Suffering is discomfort multiplied by resistance. It’s really hard to lower that discomfort number, so don’t lower the discomfort. I teach people how to lower the resistance without repressing it.”

Her main point in this article and the book I read is that it is impossible to block out, remove, or overcome fear. Fear is actually good. It is our reaction to fear that gets in our way. The key is to build a healthy relationship with fear and let ourselves feel the fear in our body and not try to eliminate it.

I thought this was all very applicable to my morning swim. However, I have to admit that the one thing I wanted while making my way through the surf on my way to shore was not how to deal with fear. It was how to be able to hold my breath longer.