Wow. It was quite the swim today. I slept in until 6 - so nice. After meditation, walking the dog and morning chores I took an 8 mile run. I ran to the San Clemente Crunch gym where I did a few sets of weight work on my calves which I think is helping my achilles injury. Then I ran to Pines park where I could see Killer Capo breaking. It’s a surf break a few hundred feet out past the normal surfline that only breaks on larger swells. Its waves do not break all the way into shore but kind of fizzle out. Looks like some jet skiers are having fun riding those waves. I run through Doheny and up to Lantern Bay park where there is a group doing yoga. They have free, weekly yoga in the park here every Saturday.

After running around Lantern Bay, I ran to the Capo Beach post office and then up the hill and home. I changed into my swim trunks and walked my other dog, then managed to head to the beach at 10:30.

I figured the water might be colder today. Yesterday we had what the surf forecast calls “a wind event.” It was a strong north-west wind that lasted all day and wreaks havoc on ocean temperature by blowing in colder water to the surface (upwelling). It was low tide when I got to the beach. A beautiful clear and slightly breezy day. I’d say the air temperature was about 62. Not bad. Feeling the water with my feet, I could tell the water was indeed cold. On this April day it felt like January/February water. The surf was also up which was no surprise given the breaking Killer Capo.

After jumping in I can confidently say the water was indeed colder. However I did not dwell much on it at first since I was contending with an incoming set of waves. This was definitely the highest surf I have swam through in months. Most days getting past the surfline is not a big deal. Often I can still stand on the ocean floor with my head above water getting past the breaks. Today I had to swim under several breaks. Usually that’s not a big deal either but today I really felt out of breath by the time I was finally past the outer sets. This is exacerbated by the cold. Even in the calmest of surf, the initial cold water plunge can sort of take the wind out of you. It is not at all uncommon to feel out of breath in the first few minutes. This quickly subsides and I feel fine. When you are out of breath and you see a big wave breaking ahead of you and need to dive under, the thought of needing to hold your breath can be a little frightening. In the end I was totally fine but needed to rest for a minute before continuing the swim.

I’m swimming south and noticing that the water is indeed very cold. I’m actually not particularly bothered. Visibility is nearly 0 and there is alot of energy in the water. When the surf is up, even well past the surf line, you can feel the waves rolling in. It can make you feel very small. I mean the sheer vastness of the ocean is one thing but these waves makes you feel like a sleeping giant has awakened. I am nearing the southernmost point of my swim which ends at the cliffs that separate Strands from the harbor. I usually turn around about 50 feet shy of the rocks but today we will make that 100-200 feet. In large surf, waves can break erratically around the rocks that surround the cliffs. These are waves you do not want to get caught up in and today’s are the biggest I have seen in this part.

As I swim north now, I’m starting to feel anxious about the swim to shore. The fact is I’m a big chicken. Right now as I write this, I can tell you that these waves were bigger than normal but were nothing I couldn’t handle. This is not Hawaii. This is not Nazare, Portugal. However, when you get out here with no fins and nothing to hang on to, one can feel a little vulnerable. I’m having all of these crazy thoughts. What if I drown? What if I get caught in some huge outside set and can’t breath in this frigid water. These thoughts have visited me a few times on larger surf days. My better self knows that this is really a non-event and in minutes I’ll be safe on shore.

One of the most significant things that swimming in cold water has taught me is that a calm mind is a super power. When I started this I would get all worked up that I might die of hypothermia. One day I had an epiphany. These thoughts are my own drama. I mean yes you need to be cognizant of risks. People absolutely die of hypothermia. I am healthy and the water is not cold enough for a healthy individual to die after an hour of exposure. However if I focus on being calm and allow these fears to pass through me, I feel much better.

But today I just can’t seem to shake this anxiety. Today will be the fourth time I head to shore without swimming the northern third of the swim. I’ve just had enough. One reason I start my swim where I do is for this exact purpose. If I feel like bailing early, I can. I made myself a promise that this is always an acceptable option and today I take it. I’m cold and frazzled and just want to get this swim through the surf over with.

Obviously I am writing this on dry land so I did not die. It was fine. There were some larger waves I had to duck under but it was fine. It’s funny, as I am walking the last 30 feet into shore, I am imagining that the people on the beach are looking at me amazed that I survived these waves. NOPE! They are all just going about their business. Oh my god Matt. I get to my backpack, towel off and start to put on some layers. I am starting to shiver like crazy. This is the worst case of afterdrop I have had this year. Afterdrop is the drop one can experience in core body temperature after getting out of the water. My mind feels slightly disoriented. I just feel overwhelmed. Now this is oddly not necessarily a bad feeling. On the one hand I feel great but I feel like I have stimulation overload. I know this will all pass soon and it is an interesting state of mind to watch.

I’m looking at the surf and feeling foolish. C’mon its not THAT big Matt. I’m seeing surfers head out into the waves as though they are heading to grab a beer from the fridge. As I’m heading up the stairs a surfer passes me and asks, “were you the one swimming out there?” I said I was and he commented about how cold it is. I don’t gloss it over today and say how it was great. I just say, “yeah it was cold today.” BECAUSE IT WAS!