Ultimate Authority

Left the house at about 6:15 this morning just before sunrise. As I enter the parking lot, the ocean has a dark and ominous look to it. Skies are mostly cloudy but you can see some light poking through far to the west.

There is a solid southerly breeze blowing creating quite a bit of ruffle on the water. Even though the water looks uninviting on the surface. I know this hides a delightfully warm experience below.

Morning boats waiting in line for fuel.

I begin with a 7.5 mile run to and through the Dana Point harbor. There is some light sprinkling on and off throughout the run.

I’m back at my car at about 7:45. I change into my bathing suit and head down to the beach.

The water is the same warm that has been present all week.

Right at my takeoff spot, there is a small group of beginner surfers trying their best to remain upright on their surfboards without much success.

I head out as another swimmer looks to be heading in. Things are pretty great out here. I mean it’s no idyllic summer fantasyland this morning, but these clouds are kind of cool and the water just feels great especially after a run.

All in all a pretty uneventful swim. I swim south, then north and then south again. I’ve been thinking maybe it is time to switch things up - like just go north out to Monarch Point. Well, not today.

I’m thinking of this line in this book I have been listening to this week by Sue Monk Kidd, The Dance of the Dissident Daughter. The book is about a sort of spiritual awakening the author experienced that led her out of Southern Baptist Evangelicalism and into an exploration of the divine feminine. In the passage I am thinking of, she recalls a sermon she sat through where the pastor says something like “the ultimate and only authority in a Christian’s life is the bible.” The author speaks of this resounding “no” that rises from her gut. Then she says, “The ultimate authority of my life is not the Bible; it is not confined between the covers of a book. It is not something written by men and frozen in time. It is not from a source outside myself. My ultimate authority is the divine voice in my own soul. Period.”

That passage really resonated with me. To be clear, I love the bible. I read it every day. I look forward to reading it, I often feel an inner warmth while reading it, and I look back on passages I have read with fondness and reassurance. However to use it as an unbending source of ultimate and literal truth just requires too much mental gymnastics and it becomes overly distracting to consume. To treat it as inerrant feels like hammering a round peg through a square hole and trying to convince yourself that the hole is actually round. That has at least been my experience. I can’t even imagine reading some of the passages as a woman and not wanting to throw it across the room (looking at you 1 Timothy or the end of Judges).

I get the sense that the author is coming from a similar place. I don’t at all get the sense she is saying the bible is nonsense or even that the Christian tradition is completely off base. Rather I think she is targeting the patriarchal interpretation that says the male voice should be given precedence over the female and this book serves as the ultimate guide for human ethics, physics and sexual relations. What was good thousands of years ago is good today and those who think otherwise are…well…just wrong because the truth is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

As I hear Sue Monk Kidd talk about this, it feels good to know someone else is validating what I have been thinking and feeling for the past several years.

So I am swimming and thinking of “the divine voice in my own soul.” I believe I have heard that voice. I think we all have. I want to still my thoughts to be able to hear what that voice is saying. Maybe if I can just look at these waves and hear the splash of my hands and my feet, I will catch what that voice is trying to tell me.

On the one hand, it sure would be easier if “truth” was written up nicely in a book. Something we could all reference and point to. Interestingly, among those who side with biblical inerrancy, many cannot agree on how various parts of the bible are to be interpreted. The line that sits between universal truth and historical/cultural context is a constantly moving target. The line between allegory and literal narrative seems to move according to the agenda of the reader.

What if the truth could be communicated plainly like in many of the Old Testament stories like when God talks to Moses? Yesterday I was reading about this guy Gideon in the book of Judges. An angel tells him he has been chosen to fight these Midionite characters that have been wreaking havoc with the Israelites. Gideon then asks for multiple signs to confirm the truth of that message. He can’t even trust an angelic visitation. This makes me wonder if the Old Testament authors embellish the angel and maybe Gideon and Moses were no better off than we are listening to our inner voice.

Well I think there are times in our lives when we wish we could turn up the volume of tat inner voice. We hear a message via intuition, scripture, friends, a billboard that hits our heart. Is this something that the voice is trying to get across or is it just a random desire or emotion surfacing from some psychological trigger? I don’t think there is a handbook that can explain the difference and I think there is a difference.

I believe in this water. I believe in its ability to act as conduit between divine guidance and my own openness to receive it. I don’t think it can be forced and I think it is always transmitting.

I feel like the best I can do here is create space in my mind for that voice to inhabit and find an audience with my heart.

As I move forward in this swim, I am drawn to the concept of yielding. I think that has to be the key. I have to yield my mind, my ego, my desires, my agenda to perceive the voice. I have to let these things go. I don’t know if I can. In fact I really don’t think I can. I need grace. I need mercy. All I feel I can do is give energy to the intention and have faith that is enough.